Not Your Typical Coaching Blog

One of the stranger things about the work I do is that people often tell me a lot about themselves when we first meet. I’m always happy to hear about people and their lives so I listen. People and their lives are fascinating to me. Each person and situation is unique and the puzzle of how to assist people in getting from here to there is one I never get tired of. I love it. So, bring it!

There is one part of the puzzle that has a quick answer-question to it. Some people aren’t sure if they’re ready for coaching.

“I’m waiting for things to settle down, I’m waiting until I feel relaxed, I’m waiting until X milestone has passed and I have more time, I’m waiting for the perfect time”. Ok – sure if that’s working for you. In the many years of working with clients I’ve found that in most of their lives just like in everyone else’s, there’s very rarely a time when everything has “settled down, completely relaxed, x milestone passed and they have more time, the perfect time”. Life is messy and full and unpredictable. The time to work on making it the best it can be is right now. Today.

The real question is “how much longer do you want to spend before you decide to make changes and make it better?”. That’s an individual answer. Some people decide that they’ve spent too much time without the satisfaction, success, motivation, energy, excitement, productivity and happiness they want. They say “I’m ready” and begin from where they are.

So, I ask you. How much longer are you going to spend before you decide to make changes and make your life better? Whichever area of your life you want to make better? Are you ready for more satisfaction, success, motivation, energy, excitement, productivity and happiness? Well then, I guess you’re ready.

Enjoy the day your way,

RKW

Research has proven that Finding Focus is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself and your life.

Ok – so we’re ahead of our time here. What can I tell you? Our “Finding Focus” Seminars which I developed have been running for many years and continue to be a tremendous success. People walk out feeling more focused, more energized, looking at their routines and habits in a new way. Participants FIND new FOCUS in their work, creative endeavors, careers, hobbies, futures, whatever it is they choose to focus on. “Finding Focus” workshops at corporations nationally and internationally, educational institutions, entertainment industry events and Barnes and Noble have helped people in many, many professions  find focus and feel energized, inspired, and productive in ways they hadn’t been before.

I believe and know that when you focus on what’s important to you and you move forward in whatever direction that takes you, you don’t bore easily. I also know that it isn’t always easy to figure out what it is that you want to do. Really want to do. 

Often when coaching clients a big part of our work is uncovering the layers of “should do”, “what x or y wants me to do”, “what I always thought I should do”, “what I always believed I was meant to do”, “what society believes I should do”, “what’s best for me to do”, “what’s easy for me to do” (and more) and getting to “this is what I really want” and “this is what’s right for me”.

Finding Focus helps you in the short run and in the long run. Do it for yourself. Find your personal focus. Live the life you want to live. The one you know deep in your heart you were always meant to live. Live your life.

For more info on Finding Focus Workshops and Seminars and how to arrange for one for your company or group feel free to contact me.

Enjoy the day your way,

RKW
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Women in the workplace is an issue that is talked/written about all the time. Anxiety and discomfort are talked about but how?

What’s the big deal? Why is the issue of women in the workplace, in positions of power, decision makers and leaders such an issue? Why the talk? Debate? The best person for the job should do the job, regardless of gender, race or religion.

I was lucky enough to be raised in a family that was gender-blind when it came to accomplishments and abilities. I didn’t even realize I might be subject to “ist” discrimination until grad school when a professor gave us an eye-opening assignment. It never dawned on me that being female might be cause for discrimination in the workplace. Needless to say I’ve gotten quite an education on that topic…

When I work with clients who have daughters they talk about how they want them to succeed, to be all they can be, to achieve and do great things. Why doesn’t this show up in more actions regarding the world and the world of work?

People  talk about the kinds of prescription medications they’re on and how they’ve become a bit anxious about overmedicating. People seem more comfortable talking about meds then about getting other kinds of help.

For some odd reason many people walk around thinking that a state of constant happiness and excitement is the norm and any deviation from those feeling states is abnormal. In adults and children. So people run around trying to be happy all the time and quite frankly many of them talk to me about how exhausting that can be. People talk about their original attitudes If you don’t deal with something it goes away. People are people, kids are kids, they won’t remember, what do they know? They’ll get over it. Best case scenario, great. But – what if? Are you willing to take that chance for yourself and the people you care about?

When working with clients one of the areas we work on is becoming able to handle the not-so-much-fun-exciting-terrific times that are an inevitable part of daily life, and live in general. Again, clients with children find that educating their children to be prepared to deal with setbacks enables them to be the best people they can be.

So be brave about what’s bugging you. What gives you pause. What keeps you up at night. About the future you want for yourself and those you care about. Next, do something about it in a healthy, productive and constructive way. 

Enjoy the day your way! RKW

This post really is in answer to questions I’ve gotten over the last years that keep coming up over and over.

Here are some of the questions -
“When is the right time to make a transition?”
“Am I too old/young to be feeling this way?”
“Am I too old/young to be making a career transition?” “HOW can I make the transition? It feels too difficult.”
“I’m in the midst of making changes but having trouble dealing with my feelings about it, I’m not sure, I can’t take the reactions of the people around me, I don’t want to hurt anyone else by my actions.”
“Maybe I AM a cliche but am I supposed to sacrifice myself and the rest of my life in order to keep on living the way I have and hating my career, life situations?”
“I’m in a career that I hate and would like to make a change but I need to keep working while I do it, it’s getting harder and harder to get up in the morning…”
“Why do I feel guilty putting myself first and making a change that will make my life better?”
“What do you mean by ‘tolerating negative feelings’”?
“What causes burnout or the desire for a change? Are there things that are ‘normal’ and those that are just silly and unrealistic?

I don’t think anyone is ever “too old” or “too young” to be making a transition. If somehow one finds oneself in the wrong career or profession why wait any longer? Why spend any more time doing something you don’t want to be doing and that is impacting negatively on your life? Here are a couple of examples of how the need and desire for a change can surface at any age. Clients who are making transitions in their
20s, 30s, 40s, 50s,60s, and yes – 70s, and an inspiring story from my 90 year old mentor who is still working!

T.N. is 28 and on the corporate track. He had it all planned out and was living out his plans. College, Grad School, a few years in the corporate world then on for an MBA which would lead him to the position that he wanted. All seemed to be going well on the surface, T and I began working together when he was researching MBA programs and realized that the life he thought he wanted was not actually the one he wants. What now? What next?

J.S. is 36 and a successful attorney. She recently had her first baby and took a 6 month maternity leave. She and her husband had agreed that she would go back to work after the 6 months since she’s the primary earner in the family. She’s ready to go back to work but her husband thinks she should take more time off to stay home with the baby. J.S. and I are working on different ways for her to work full time but spend some of that time at home as a compromise since she does want to spend more time with the baby than she thought she would when she was first planning her maternity leave.

A.D. is a 48 year old doctor with a thriving practice. A workaholic since high school, his studies and work served as a haven for him. He loves study, he loves work, he teaches at a teaching hospital and loves the interaction with the med students. During difficult times in his personal life his work was a way of getting away from all of it. He was able to concentrate fully on the needs of his patients and the work he loved. But during the last couple of years since his divorce he’s found that his work doesn’t provide him with the haven-like feelings it did. He wants more of a “life” for himself and that’s causing him to feel more resentful at work.

H.B. is a 54 year old filmmaker. She loves her work but has been feeling and putting up with the age-ism and sexism in her industry for too long. It’s making her hate the work atmosphere she finds herself in and resentful of her some of her colleagues and the system in a way that is impeding her ability to be creative and work.

V.L. is a 56 year old woman who is retiring from a career as a teacher. She wants to continue working in some area but not sure what or how.

B.R. at 64 was a successful business owner for most of his working life. It included working “all the time” and not spending as much time as he wanted to doing “the things I love” but now he’s not even sure of what those things are anymore. He wants a working retirement but isn’t sure how to structure it or how to fill the extra time he’ll have.

T.D. is in his mid 70s and has been retired for a couple of years. He’s gotten his second wind and decided he wants to become technologically savvy, use the internet and possibly write a blog/book about his life.

Then there’s my 91 year old mentor/professor who told me months before she died about the new patients she’d started working with! Yes. You heard that right.

Are any of these situations easy? No. Do they bring up uncomfortable feelings during the process of deciding to make a change and while making the change? Yes.

When it comes to feelings, let’s face the fact that we all have them all the time. We like some and chase experiences that allow us to feel them. We dislike others and try and mostly try and avoid circumstances that will bring them up.

The point is to acknowledge the discomfort and not let it dictate the choices you make. If you’re feeling uncomfortable about making a change or the process required to do it the point isn’t to say “this isn’t the right thing for me”. The objective is to be aware of it, figure out what’s causing it and make decisions based on what’s best for your future and the future you want to have.

That means tolerating some negative feelings. They’re just feelings. They’re not in charge. You are. They can be a useful tool. You can include them to figure out what’s working and not working. What you want and what you don’t want. Which techniques work for you and which don’t. Which changes work for you and which don’t.

So when you’re thinking of making a change. The first step is to work through what the right change will be for you NO MATTER how old you and then to ask yourself what you’re willing to do and feel in order to get it.

Enjoy the day,
Rebecca Kiki W.

Have you ever been “overqualified”? Do you have people on your team who are overqualified? I’ve worked with clients on both sides of the equation.  It can be a challenging circumstance but one that allows for tremendous growth in different ways.  It was my great pleasure to discuss the issue with Eilene Zimmerman who wrote this terrific column for Career Couch in the New York Times “Overqualified? Don’t Be Overwrought”.

Please feel free to call or email at 646.355.8759 or kiki at dlcecc dot com with any questions about being overqualified, or how to manage team members  you believe might be overqualified.

Onward and Upward!

RKW