Ask For Help – A Little Can Go A Long Way

March 31, 2008 § Leave a comment

If you have a question or issue you’d like help with send me an email to kiki at daily life consulting dot com and if I can I’ll try and post a response here. That’s the very short answer to a lot of the questions I’ve gotten recently. If you’re not ready for coaching (financially, time-wise or emotionally) you don’t have to jump right in but you don’t have to suffer either. I can’t take it when people suffer or struggle through something. I know I can’t solve all the world’s problems but….so here’s what it’s all about.

People ask me all the time how I came to do the things I do. Short answer, I really love helping people live better lives. I love helping people live the lives they want to live.
I became a teacher in order to be the kind of teacher I wished I had had. Guidance and Counseling? I wanted to guide and counsel in the way I wished I’d been. Coordinating NYC Youth Services? I wanted children all over NYC to get the directed help and programs that they needed in the simplest and most efficient way possible, and hopefully set an example for other cities in the US to develop databases and systems to enable them to do the same.

Psychology and my mental health studies are a way of giving me more information to help me achieve my goal in helping others achieve theirs. The creative arts a whole other story. But back to Coaching.

Coaching is a combination of all of the above. Teaching, Guidance, Counseling, developing and creating programs to assist people in attaining their goals, guiding people toward services and programs that can enrich their lives.
I like to help people. It’s my nature. It’s a result of what I’ve seen people go through in life. It’s just who I am. Really, don’t apologize if you send an email or ask a question you need some assistance with. Sometimes I can just post a general answer.

For example – shout out to the young woman on the Brooklyn bound F train from Manhattan on Friday afternoon at about 4:30pm – it took everything I had not to go over and just give you a one shot coaching burst just to get you out of your funk!

Here’s a young woman who is describing her life to some friends she hadn’t seen in a while. She’s now a lawyer and apparently gave up her dream of being involved in sports on some level. Her friends were shocked “but you looooooove sports….you were always so into it….I can’t believe you’re not doing anything sports-related.”

So here’s this young woman who probably killed herself to get through Law School and now she’s miserable (you should have seen the body language and tone of voice). I couldn’t take it but at the same time I didn’t think it was appropriate to hand her my card or start giving her unasked for advice and guidance. (If you happen to read this – send me an email – there are lots of ways that you can incorporate the things you love into your life.)

So ask for help, even if all you need is to let someone know you feel like you might need it at some point. It might not sound like a “big issue” but if it’s bugging you, that’s big enough.

Send an email to me at kiki at daily life consultin dot com and put ‘a little help needed’ in the subject line and I’ll try and respond as soon as I can either via email or as a blog post.

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

More On Goals

March 26, 2008 § Leave a comment

I received lots of emails and questions regarding the Goal Post that I posted earlier this week.

Lots of questions. Some specific. Some general. I’ll free associate some thoughts I had and some of the discussions that have followed as a result.

Goal Posts: Wouldn’t it be great if we had them clearly set out there?
Guide/Instruction Book: Ditto how terrific it would be to have one for each goal.

What do you think of when you hear the words “setting goals”?:
People have different reactions.
Some love setting them and just blasting forward.
Some people imagine how terrific they’ll feel when they’ve achieved their goals. Some people think of the financial rewards.
Some people think about the emotional rewards.
Some people think about the intellectual rewards.
Some people think about the ego-gratification rewards.
Some people think of the look on their friends’ faces at the reunion.
Some people become overwhelmed by the thought of all that goes into achieving them.
Some people immediately think about everything that can go wrong on the way.
Some people think about all the difficulties that will be involved.
Some people think of the sacrifices they may or may not want to make.
Some people have more than one goal.
Some people have goals that seem to conflict with one another.
Some people like to make charts to plan them out.
Some people like visual cues.
Some people like financial milestones.
Some people like emotional milestones.
Some people like intellectual milestones.
Some people like psychological milestones.
Some people like the idea of a good day’s work.
Some people think there is no such thing as a “good” day at work.
On and on and on.

If it were simple and everyone knew exactly what they wanted and exactly how to get it everyone would be doing it already wouldn’t they?
Something gets in the way.
Sometimes lots of things get in the way.

While mulling this over the image of a stagecoach came to mind. Maybe I’d seen 3:10 To Yuma that one time too many but there it was. Then I thought of those scenes where something’s holding the stage up. The driver’s got to get the wheels out of the mud, or the horses are skittish because they sense a storm a brewin’. Maybe the driver’s got to dump some of the baggage on board because it’s holding them back from moving forward. The next image I had was of the driver just jumping on those horses and driving on to his destination. In the timeless dialogue of old westerns – that yee-ha! moment.

Sometimes that’s what the process is like. Figuring out where you want to get to.
Figuring out how to get there.
Overcoming obstacles along the way.
Developing the tools you need to get you there, sustain you and enable you to move forward on your own.
Finally taking the reins yourself and having your own yee-ha! moment and life.

(Remind me not to free-associate in the ether here. Sometimes I “do go on” as they say.)

Well anyway, hope this answers some of your questions and comments. If there’s more information you’d like or to talk about this more please email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Enjoy the day – any which way,
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Workplace Harrassment – Bullying – When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle (or office)

March 25, 2008 § Leave a comment

Important and excellent article in today’s NY Times When the Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle about harrassment and bullying at the workplace. I added “or office” because this kind of bullying goes on at the management level as well. I work with clients who have experienced it or who are experiencing it.

If you feel or think you’re being harrassed do not minimize your thoughts or feelings about the matter. I say this from both sides of the coaching relationship.
I won’t go into the details here on my personal experience but suffice it to say that it is really horrible. It is because of this that I am so compassionate and understanding when working with people at the highest level of management who come in for coaching to deal with the issue. Sometimes they think they’re “imagining it”, being “too sensitive”, begin to “doubt their own capabilities”, “feel paranoid”, “feel depressed”, “don’t want to go to work in the morning” and more.

Coaching Tip: (and yes, I will shout this one)
Check out the the survey developed by Researchers at the State University of New York in New Paltz of behaviors that can constitute bullying. If not addressed, and taken care of, the affects can be long lasting and can really damage your professional confidence and sense of self. Don’t wait to take action. Speak to someone YOU TRUST either in your HR department, or find a coach or advisor who can help you get through it.

I was lucky that I had amazing support and the personal and professional training, experience and integrity to see what was going on. I also had the support of people higher up than those who were doing the bullying so that I was able to see the situation for what it was. As a firm believer of my own Boomerang theory, I knew it was inevitable that the people in question would get their just desserts. I did what was right for me in order to move forward successfully and was lucky enough to see that indeed what they had sent out into the world ricocheted and came right back to them.

For more information on the topic please feel free to email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com.

Good Luck,
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting

Goals, Goal Setting, Anxiety, Achievement, Success – Shall I go on?

March 25, 2008 § Leave a comment

Clients are coming in with new ambitions, new ideas, new energy and ready to set and achieve new goals. Great news. Bad news? Thinking it can be done in a flash like everything else we’ve gotten used to doing with the press of a button or click of a mouse. One problem – we’re not computers. So setting goals and achieving them can sometimes feel like it’s taking time. Nowadays when things take time people can become frustrated, distracted, impatient. So let’s look at this as humans and not machines.

Setting Goals. SETTING GOALS. Setting goals. Goal setting. “I want to set some goals.”
“I want to achieve my goals.”
“I can’t seem to set goals.”
“I can’t seem to achieve my goals.”
Questions and comments I hear all the time.

I have a question. What are goals?
I guess that begs an answer. Hmmmm. Well, goals are or can be;
A pain
An adrenaline inducing concept
Difficult to achieve
Easy to achieve
Easy to figure out
Difficult to figure out
Difficult to articulate
Easy to articulate
What one is expected to do
What one wants to do
What one needs to do
What society wants
What the family wants
What the soul wants
What the psyche wants
What the intellect wants
What the five senses want

How’s that for a start?
Confusing? No kidding.
Maybe the dictionary can help us narrow it down. I went to and received 10 responses to a request for a definition. Ok, they’re confused too.

Some people start their coaching thinking they’d like to achieve x,y or z goal only to find as the coaching progresses that what they thought they wanted isn’t actually what they really wanted.

So, if you’re feeling confused or not sure, or don’t know what you’re thinking, or thinking you’re not knowing what you’re thinking, let me put your mind at ease.
You’re not the only one.
You are not alone.
You don’t have to do it on your own.
You don’t have to have it figured out in one day or one session or one month.
It’s an ongoing process that doesn’t have to be written in stone.
You can change your mind.
You can have more than one goal.
You can have more than one goal at a time.
You can have multiple and/or conflicting goals.
It’s a matter of working through it, figuring it out, getting it clear in your mind and self, taking steps to achieve it/them and overcoming challenges along the way.

You can do it.
You don’t have to do it alone.
It can be done.

So now really have a great day your way,

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA
Daily Life Consulting
rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Decision Making – Keeping Your Cool – Re:Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy

March 19, 2008 § Leave a comment

I love speed racing (to watch, not participate in, although it was a childhood wish of mine to be a race car driver…ah yes…while most little girls were wishing for ballerina slippers I was wishing for race car helmets but that’s all for another day…) where was I? Oh yes, that’s one of the things that drew me to the article in the WSJ “Speed Secrets of a Racing Prodigy” about Lewis Hamilton. The article describes his racing with F1 which is Europe’s Nascar but with some grueling differences.

What I found fascinating was the description of Hamilton’s special skill and nerves of steel to “pass by braking – waiting longer than the other driver to hit the brake before entering a turn”. The article by Darren Everson continues on to describe how he learned this special skill through preparation for it by working with Kerry Spackman, a neuroscientist employed by Hamilton’s team. “Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm.” Fantastic!!! I’ll say that again because the concept works in most areas of life.

“Dr. Spackman tries to help drivers improve decision-making by getting them to feel a greater sense of calm.”

That’s one of the goals of our coaching and one of the skills I work with clients on.
Hysteria, anxiety, stress levels, internal and interpersonal conflicts all impede our ability to make the best possible decisions at any given time.

Yes, there are people who make decisions best when under pressure but even under those circumstances they need (or have already) developed a way of maintaining internal calm that allows them to make the best decisions.

There are many ways and techniques of developing a greater sense of calmness when making decisions. Different people respond in different ways, but the goal remains the same. To stay as calm as possible in order to make the best decision possible.

Quick Tip: I worked with one client who just froze when he had to make on-the-spot decisions which was a BIG problem since his work involved many on-the-spot decisions which were crucial to his work. We worked together using a number of techniques but the one that he enjoyed the most and that worked for him was the old egg-timer technique.

I used one of those old-fangled egg-timers and set it in minute and then second increments. He was given a “problem” and had to come up with the answer/solution in the alloted time. At first even the simplest problems were impossible since it was the pressure that caused him to freeze. Eventually the time constraint wasn’t a problem an he enjoyed beating the clock to come up with more and more complicated solutions.

Whatever works!

Enjoy the day your way,
Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (APA)
Daily Life Consulting

Why We’re Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data – Wall Street Journal (No Comment)

March 13, 2008 § Leave a comment

I so love this article in the Wall Street Journal – Why We’re Powerless to Resist Grazing On Endless Web Data by Lee Gomes. For one thing it helps me understand myself and my clients better, for another it helped me decide once and for all to shut the “comments” function on these blogs. Most of you respond via email or during sessions so it never made much sense and now, well, it’s just better all around.

What is it about information? I’m an information and knowledge junkie myself. I can’t get enough of it. I love learning new things and figuring out solutions of all kinds. (That’s now – don’t ask about grade school and high school!) The article also points me in the direction of Irving Biederman, a neuroscientist at USC who studies the evolutionary and biological basis of the human need for information. How cool is that?

Quick Coaching Tip: Graze for information but try and control your intake. Don’t overload. If you have a tendency to overload on information try and set a time limit for grazing with breaks in between for R&R (that doesn’t include knowledge or information absorption!)

Career (Crisis) Short-Term Coaching – Some Info

March 11, 2008 § 2 Comments

Times are tough. That’s the reality. It’s hitting lots of people either directly or indirectly.

We’ve been getting lots of calls and emails from clients old and new, from early-career to mid-career to pre-retirement to “should I take the buyout/early retirement incentive?” to boomers to burnouts to layoffs and downsizing to professionals running their own practices to creatives all with issues they want and need to handle, resolve, figure out or strategize. This is the time many people come for some short-term coaching.

What is short-term coaching
Coaching, Guidance and Strategizing for a short period of time.

How long is short-term coaching?
The length of the coaching differs depending on the issues and concerns. It runs from 2 sessions to 8 sessions with different permutations depending on your needs.

* 2 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching
* 4 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching
* 6 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching
* 8 session phone and/or email or face-to-face coaching

Coaching areas include, but are not limited to-
Strategizing Options
Layoff/downsizing/early retirement next-step options
Burnout-but-have-to-stick-with-it-for-now management techniques
Executive coaching for dealing with a smaller staff and/or low morale
Productivity issues and incentive strategies for difficult times/situations
Stress management
Time management (especially for those who have to do more with less)

Good luck!
For more information email me at rebecca at dailylifeconsulting dot com

Rebecca Kiki Weingarten M.Sc.Ed, MFA (member APA)
Daily Life Consulting

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